


The Second Sun [English]

by VYUK



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bonds, Drama, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Yooran
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-16 00:58:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11242977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VYUK/pseuds/VYUK
Summary: What do you gain looking at the sky if you never stop to think about the sun?  Or maybe... are you afraid to feel the warmth of the sun?Disclaimer: The characters and part of the plot belong to Cheritz. The rest is my property.





	1. The distrust.

**Author's Note:**

> This story may contain spoilers about the game, since it is set before the last chapter of the Secret 02. It's recommended to read after completing 707's route and the Secrets 01 & 02.
> 
> Possible high-sounding words.
> 
> Read at your own risk.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S: This is a translation of my fanfic "The Second Sun" (originally written in Spanish) for the YoosungxSaeran/SaeranxYoosung week, so there may be errors in it.
> 
> Although I had a lot of help with the translation (love you, Caro<3), if you find a grammar error or something, don't hesitate to let me know, thank you! ^^

For some people, the sky is always the same, but truth is that it's constantly changing. From the stars that are light years away, to the clouds we can see over it during the day —and the night too—. It's a question of each one the meaning or importance that they give to it, but certain people take it as an important reference in their lives.

That’s the case of Saeran. A boy who, after going through some of the worst things in the world, managed to find some peace by watching the sky in solitude. Of course, he now had his brother by his side too, but the sky was always important to him, since it was one of the few happy memories he had of his childhood. It reminded him of that sense of freedom... Something that now, at last, he could try to experience for himself.

But there was a problem.

Saeran refused to establish any kind of contact with anyone else who were not his brother. He distrusted anyone his brother would take to their home, believing that they would try to fool him and Saeyoung, just to bring them suffering as others did in the past. He didn’t like being that way, but he had no choice. It was almost an automatic response from him.

 

Weeks passed by, and when he saw his brother a little more stable, Saeyoung began to take the RFA members home so they would try to talk to him. He wished wholeheartedly that Saeran could be a little more confident with his new "family", since they were important and understanding people. People who would do them no harm. He knew them from years ago and he could attest to that. So, with this in mind, he began his plan.

 

First he took Jaehee. "She's a girl, maybe she'll be more considerate when she talks to him", thought the boy of glasses. But, for his surprise, she left Saeran's room only a few minutes after entering.

Saeyoung looked at her in confusion, and she returned his gaze with a somewhat forced smile. Then he understood that things had not gone so well. He said goodbye, thanking her, and then she withdrew.

 

Saeyoung thought that inviting them all the same week would be a too much for Saeran's mind since he was still recovering from all that had happened, so the following week, he decided to bring Zen.

"Perhaps Zen is the answer. Someone less delicate, but sensitive at the same time", he thought as he saw the actor knocking the door and entering Saeran's room as he asked for his permission.

After just three minutes, Zen left the room paler than usual. When Saeyoung questioned about what happened, he chose not to respond. He just said goodbye and told him he was sorry.

 

Another week passed, and he decided it was Jumin's turn.

"Jumin is quite polite and cold, so Saeran shouldn't have problems or feel invaded by him", he thought quietly, watching his friend enter the room in complete calm. The minutes passed and nothing seemed to go wrong until Jumin left the room with his same expressionless face as always.

When Saeyoung asked what happened, he replied, "No one spoke. I thought it wasn't right to force him, so I said goodbye and let him alone."

Hearing this answer, he didn’t know whether to laugh or feel disappointed. Deep down, he was expecting that from Jumin.

The older man said he had an important meeting in a few hours, so he had to leave. Saeyoung walked him to the door and said goodbye.

 

There was only one person left... So, the next week and without fail, Yoosung was out the door waiting for his friend to open.

He greeted him with that energy he always had, even though he was feeling his nerves were eating him alive. He had heard only a little about Saeran from what the others had told him —and Saeyoung, of course—. It frightened him a little to think the hacker who had caused so much trouble was his best friend's brother, but it was for this very reason that he agreed to help him.

That's what friends were for.

Saeyoung told him where his brother's room was, so, with some nervousness, Yoosung knocked on the door. He did not hear an answer, so he turned to see his friend with some concern, but Saeyoung immediately calmed him by saying "It's normal, so you can go in."

The blond boy opened the door and, after entering, he closed it behind him.

Everything was silent, and he could see that Saeran was sitting on his bed leaning against the wall near the window, with his gaze fixed on the sky.

Yoosung swallowed and looked down at his feet.

“What exactly should I say? How do you start a conversation?”. Those were some of the questions that crossed his mind.

Yoosung was not used to this kind of things, since he spend more time locked up playing LOLOL in his room.

He gathered courage the best he could, and took some air to speak.

“Ah… Hello, Saeran. I am…”

“Yoosung Kim —he interrupted—. You must be 21 now? Sky University. You are currently studying Veterinary Medicine... And you are obsessed with a game called LOLOL. You don’t need to introduce yourself. It's just like everyone else, I already know everything about you. I used to do that, after all”, he said curtly.

“How cold. He's not even looking at me —he thought as he noticed that Saeran had told him all this without taking his eyes off the window—. I can’t believe that all that information can be found so easily. Although, well, he's a hacker like Seven... It makes sense, but still...”

Yoosung was afraid. He was terrified to speak to someone he knew so little about, but that knew so much about him. However, something forced him to leave behind that fear and try to approach.

He took some air and took a few steps toward Saeran, who had stayed still.

“Hehe… I see you know some things about me, but don’t think that's all!”, said Yoosung, forcing a lively tone. One that Saeran detected immediately.

The same story repeated once again.

Just like the previous weeks, his brother had convinced another of his friends to go and try to talk to him. He knew that they accepted only by courtesy, since he didn’t know them and, considering what happened, he doubted very much that they wanted to approach him by their own initiative. He could feel the joy and the feigned concern in their voices, because he never turned to see them to the eyes. It was not necessary, he knew that everyone was lying.

“Leave me alone", Saeran murmured.

“Eh?”

“I told you to leave. If even your cousin doesn’t care about you, imagine me.”

After hearing this, Yoosung began to retrace the steps he had taken and proceed to leave the room.

“... Bye” he said to Saeran. Then he left the room closing the door behind him.

 

Saeyoung was waiting for him impatiently, he could see in his eyes, but the sad look of Yoosung discouraged him immediately.

“It did not work, did it?” He asked with obvious disappointment in his voice.

Yoosung knew this was very difficult for his friend... and for his brother as well. He was hurt by what he said, yes, but he wanted to understand the situation and why Saeran acted like that. And to be able to understand him...

“Calm down, he's just introverted. I know he will get better over time, we all do —he said to cheer Saeyoung, as he tried to hide his discomfort-. I should go now. My house is far away and it’s getting late.

“Okay...” he sighed.

Saeyoung followed Yoosung to the door and said goodbye there. Then he went to his brother's room. He knew that something happened, Yoosung couldn’t fool him so easily.

He knocked on the door, and after a few seconds he opened it. Saeran was still in the same place.

Saeyoung sighed again.

“What did you said to Yoosung?”

Saeran turned to look at him and snorted.

“The truth. I'm not interested in talking to anyone and you know it.”

“You're talking to me”, he teased.

“I know, it's different. Idiot.”

“Well, well —he laughed—. You know I'm doing this for you. I would like you to cooperate a little more, but Yoosung was my last ace under the sleeve... Should I bring Vanderwood?” He thought aloud as he held his chin.

“No thanks. I'm fine alone,” he said instantly. Moments later he was watching the sky again.

Saeyoung decided it was best to leave Saeran alone as he wanted, so he quietly left the room and returned to his work.

 

A few days passed normally until someone knocked on the door. Saeyoung couldn’t imagine who might be, since he had not arranged a meeting with anyone these last days. He went to the entrance and, after checking the screen on the side, opened the door with surprise.

"Yoosung?" He asked in confusion.


	2. The Reflection.

“Hi, hehe…”

The blond boy entered the house and began to observe in all possible directions. The older twin approached and offered him a seat, which he immediately refused. When Saeyoung asked why, the answer took him off guard.

“I want to talk to your brother,” he said with a smile.

Saeyoung wasn’t very convinced given what happened last time, but it made him happy to see someone interested in talking to Saeran, so he indicated him that he was in his room as usual and that he could come to see him without problem.

 

After going to the room, Yoosung could verify that, indeed, Saeran was as usual. Or so he believed, since the only time he had seen him was only a couple of days ago.

He started walking towards a nearby chair that was in front of a desk and sat on it. He knew that Saeran had noticed his presence despite not taking his eyes off the window, so he began to speak to him.

“The other day we didn’t start well, so I came back for a rematch, what do you say?”

The energy he projected this time was different. However, Saeran didn’t want to believe anything.

“Go away,” he replied reluctantly.

“Um... Okay, I'll leave —he said softly—… But with one condition —Yoosung waited for an answer and, even though he never got it, he decided to keep talking. He already knew that Saeran noticed his presence, so therefore he was listening equally, for better or worse—. You'll let me tell you something I can’t talk with anyone else.”

There was another awkward silence, and although he felt the same way, he began to tell Saeran his little story of how he captured a rare monster on LOLOL with his team.

Saeran did his best to not listen, but in the end he ended up doing it anyway. Yoosung seemed so immersed in the history that even his voice reflected it, and this made him curious.

How could a game make someone so interested that he got so excited about it? He didn’t understand.

For his part, Yoosung had left behind any trace of nervousness. Talking about LOLOL kept him in his comfort zone, so he gave himself the pleasure of expressing himself as he always wanted, since Saeran didn’t utter a word.

After finishing talking about his little adventure, he said goodbye and left.

“Foolish boy, he just came to tell me about his stupid game...” he thought.

 

Two days later Yoosung returned. Saeyoung opened the door with the same strangeness as the first time Yoosung suddenly came in, and after a few minutes of conversation with his friend, he understood that he had returned to see his brother. He told him that Saeran was in his room just like the last time and he went a little fearful —as usual— over there.

Yoosung came straight from his university, so when he entered he greeted Saeran with some fear and sat on the floor leaning against the wall, leaving his bag aside.

“Get out…”

“But I have something to tell you!”

This time he began to talk about how unfair two teachers had been to him, both of them taking a surprise exam. He insisted that it was some sort of plot against him, since he had arrived late to the last classes because he had stayed at one or another LOLOL event.

Saeran listened attentively even though he didn't want to. It was as if the boy's voice was spinning in his mind.

After finishing talking about it, he said goodbye and went to his house.

 

Yoosung continued doing this for weeks and with each visit Saeran understood less.

 

The truth was that, as Saeran was his best friend’s brother —who was also part of the RFA—, he felt the need to help him out of that state. His cousin had become seriously ill because she didn’t receive that relevant help, and he didn’t want anyone else in his "family" to go through the same thing. Because yes, he considered the RFA his family, he always said it. So, even though some words or phrases that Saeran said to him could hurt or leave him confused, as long as he kept quiet looking at the window he could continue to talk. It would be different if Saeran were to become violent, in such a case he would not know how to act.

Fortunately, he had already passed that stage.

 

After several visits, Saeran stopped responding to what Yoosung was saying. He just stared out the window without a word. He seemed to ignore him completely, but the blond knew he was listening attentively. Something inside him said so, so he continued his visits to take the boy out of the darkness in which he found himself. He always told Saeran about anything that came to his mind and that he thought might be of interest for him.

 

One day, Yoosung realized that the same day that he would go to Saeyoung's house would also be held a major LOLOL event. He thought it through, and after analyzing his choices he decided he could go to his friend's house and maybe he would agree to play a game with him. It annoyed him a little to have to accept it, but he knew that with him on his team they would probably win. With this in mind, after college he went home to look for a few things. He made sure to bring his laptop and his favorite mouse, that way it would be easier to play.

Once at Saeyoung's house, he approached him and told him that there was an important LOLOL event in an hour. He explained that it would be a good idea to have him on his team, but he was not very interested, since he had a lot of work to do. Yoosung was discouraged, but he thought that perhaps it was better to play alone without depending on the great "Hacker God" to win.

 

With some fear as every time he did it, he approached the door of Saeran's room and, a little softly, knocked on the door three times and then entered —not without first saying hello—. He was in the same position as before and all others times; Sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall near the window and staring at the sky. Sometimes, Yoosung believed that Saeran did that only when he visited. For Yoosung it was impossible to believe that Saeran would spend all his time there as a statue, but he was grateful that at least he let him be in the same room as he did without making a fuss.

“Ah... You must be wondering why I brought all this, don’t you? —He started to say— The truth is that there is an important event on LOLOL today, but I also wanted to come, so I thought playing here would be a good idea... Seven didn’t want to play with me so... May I use your desk? I feel a little lonely there”, he laughed at the end.

As always, he got no answer, so he simply proceeded to settle down on the empty desk in the room. This one was attached to the wall near the door, so sitting there made him turn his back on the bed —and therefore to Saeran— as well as the rest of the room. He plugged in his laptop, put on his headphones, and entered that incredible world he always talked about.

While Yoosung was starting the session, he talked about different things about the game with Saeran, things he didn’t understood at all. In his stay in Mint Eye he was never allowed to participate in such games, since they could distract him from his duties. He listened to Yoosung speak to him with the same emotion that he spoke the first day. And he still didn’t understand it, either.

At one point, Yoosung stopped explaining every move he made, because the event began. He tried not to stop talking to Saeran, but he was getting more complicated every second because of the intensity of the game. It was like that until he completely forgot he was there, and began to play as he always did. He shouted to his teammates every time they made a mistake, tried to encourage the team and made a few important plays.

The game lasted just over an hour and finally Yoosung's team won. Yoosung, exhausted, adjusted his headphones and stretched a little in the chair while the results screen charged. As the screen turned black, he remembered that he wasn’t alone. That this wasn’t his house and much less his room.

Why?

Because Saeran was watching him and he could see it in the reflection of the dark screen. For the first time...

"He... he's looking at me... He was watching me all this time..." he thought, not taking the surprise off his face. However, nothing prepared him for what followed next. Saeran noticed it and made a brief eye contact with him through the reflection, and then turned his gaze immediately to its usual point.

Without a word, Yoosung finished the event, took his things and retired. He didn’t even give himself the time to say goodbye to Saeyoung —he didn’t notice when Yoosung left either—, and ran to take the first bus to leave him near his destination.

After that brief —but intense— eye contact, an unfamiliar sensation gripped his chest. It went from his head to his stomach, making him feel strange. He couldn’t understand what was happening... And he wasn’t the only one, since for his part, Saeran felt the same way.


	3. The Fear.

A few days passed and Yoosung continued to go to the twins' house. He still felt strange, but there was something that comforted him a little, and that was that since that day on, Saeran had begun to respond to what he was telling him. Of course he didn’t give very extensive answers, but short things like: “Yes, no, maybe, who knows, I don’t think so, it can be, oh, um...” But even if it was only two or three words at most, he was happy that he was finally responding.

Yoosung didn’t notice it, because he often got too much into the stories he told, but Saeran was constantly watching him. It should be stressed that he did so taking care of this. He didn’t want Yoosung to see him watching him, because the last time he discovered it, he just ran away.

He hated to admit it, but he preferred to have him there talking instead of not having him at all.

It was for this reason that he was deeply disappointed when Yoosung stopped going to visit him.

 

Two weeks passed and Saeran knew nothing about him. Much to his dismay, he began to worry that something may have happened.

Did he get bored of him? Did he surrender? Was he going to leave him like Saeyoung did years ago? They weren’t friends, they weren’t connected by blood. There was no reason for him to stay, and think on the thousands of negative possibilities made his poor heart darken a little more. He had become accustomed to his voice and presence, so he felt some extra loneliness when he wasn't around.

The mysterious sensations didn’t stop, so he decided to go to the kitchen for some ice cream. There, he found his brother looking for his usual bags of Honey Buddha Chips. As he continued to search, Saeran went to the freezer and took out the ice cream he planned to eat at first. He took a spoon and leaned against one of the furniture nearby.

He began to doubt whether it was a good idea or not, but curiosity and anxiety were winning...

He put a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth, and after savoring it, he looked at his brother.

“Your friend... What's wrong with him?” He asked quietly, looking away at the sudden interest in his twin's eyes. And how could he not be interested if it was the first time that his brother ever asked for something that wasn’t about ice cream!

Saeyoung looked thoughtful for a few seconds, and decided it was a good time to play a joke on him.

“Zen? You know, busy with his rehearsals and works.”

Saeran arched an eyebrow in disbelief as his brother did his best to contain his laughter.

“No, the other.”

“Ah, Jumin! He's too busy stealing the love of my Elly...” He stammered in sobs.

“Idiot, I'm talking about Yoosung!! Yoosung!” He shouted angrily.

Saeyoung giggled at him for shouting "that" name, and walked slowly backward, pointing at him and covering his mouth with his other hand. Saeran, of course, imagined a nuclear war in which his brother and his silly jokes were crushed by a pile of atomic bombs —ice cream atomic bombs—.

He had put another spoonful of ice cream in his mouth when his twin came down the hall, only showing his head.

“Anyway, I haven’t heard much from him. He must be busy gaming or in college.”

Saying this, he retired again in silence.

Saeran continued to eat his ice cream while he sighed heavily.

"He probably noticed the crap I am... And left."

Even he believed that having those thoughts was ridiculous, since he would probably see Yoosung again in the future at some of the RFA meetings. Although if he thought about it well, if Yoosung had decided to stop visiting him, he would probably ignore him when that moment came too. A sudden sadness invaded him at the thought, and decided to fill that emptiness with more ice cream.

 

Another week passed, and Saeran already had his room full of empty ice cream containers everywhere. Needless to say, those were all used to "fill that void" in the chest —or his stomach—. He hated feeling this way... But luckily, and just as at first, he could find some peace looking at the sky.

He felt the door of his room open and assumed that it was his brother bringing more ice cream. He had asked him some before he left, since he was "forbidden" to go out on his own. But it wasn’t like that. A rather familiar voice greeted him, and as soon as he heard the first letter being spoken he turned to see it almost by reflection.

Yoosung was back.

Saeran couldn’t take the surprise off his face. He didn’t expect him to come back... The blond boy didn’t notice and began to walk inside the room closing the door behind him. The younger twin couldn’t help but rise to his feet, and when Yoosung turned to look at him he felt somewhat intimidated. He was looking straight at him and only one meter away.

Saeran began to approach slowly, and for every step forward, Yoosung backed one too, fearful of what could happen.

His gaze was intense and he didn’t know how to interpret it.

From one second to the next, Saeran began to approach quicker, so the blonde was frightened and tried to flee. However, Saeran was faster and managed to place his arm blocking the door, leaving his visitor cornered against the wall.

Yoosung panicked and began to shiver intensely, unable to take his gaze away from those intense mint eyes.

“Ah… I… —He began to stutter— I didn’t want to bothe…!”

“Where were you?” He interrupted.

“...Eh?”

“Why did you come back? I thought you wouldn’t.”

At this, Yoosung was perplexed. He was still nervous, but there was something more important occupying his mind at that moment. He decided to leave that thought in the background, believing that if he simply answered the questions he would calm him down.

He cleared his throat and tried to look into his eyes, but failed and had to look away.

“I had many exams, and there were also many events at LOLOL... I didn’t have time to come until now.”

“I see.”

After hearing this, Saeran returned to his place by the window and continued to watch the sky. Yoosung watched him silently from the doorway, and after thinking for a couple of minutes, decided to ask something he couldn’t get out of his head.

“You... were you mad because I didn’t come?”

He got no response, and felt like he was repeating a comic routine.

He sighed, walked to the chair by the desk and sat on, looking at Saeran. Like the previous times, he began to talk about everything he had done in college for his exams. He then proceeded to talk about his beloved LOLOL and the fierce battles he lived throughout the event. He was absorbed in commenting on a battle to death he had the night before when Saeran interrupted him.

“I wasn’t mad.”

“Oh?” He murmured in confusion.

“I was afraid... That's all —he confessed—. You can continue.”

“It's okay...”

He tried to get back to the subject where he had left off, but now he couldn’t stop thinking about what Saeran had just said. It was the first time Saeran spoke directly to him, looking at him and to top it off, telling him things he felt. It was the first time he was being honest with him.

He felt a little strange, but he liked it that way. He felt that he could become someone of trust for someone else who really needed him, and that made him happy.

Besides... Saeran was special.

Who would have thought he would confess being afraid? At least he never imagined it.


	4. The Lie.

Some time passed and the boys spoke more naturally than before. Yoosung could pull off any subject without feeling so nervous, and Saeran would sometimes look at his eyes as they spoke. This was the only thing that could make him nervous, since the first time he saw directly into his eyes he could feel the intensity of his gaze. A gaze that tried to hide many things, but at the same time it showed the anger that he felt against the world. However, that fear was obscured by the happiness he felt at the thought that they had finally been able to get to that point where they spoke as they looked into each other's eyes. This proved that, after many months, Saeran finally trusted him. He felt that all the way there was worth it, because he was already becoming part of his family, even if it was onesided. Also, it was most likely that when the turn of the other RFA members came, they would require his help.

To tell the truth, Yoosung had no problem helping them —even knowing that it was a difficult job—, but he didn’t understand why they didn’t want to insist on approaching. He supposed it was because they had busy lives with their jobs and all that... Instead, he was an ordinary person. He always felt that way.

The conversations with Saeran had become more interesting since he began to respond with short but concise sentences. When he answered only with a word or two Yoosung found it hard to keep talking, since he didn’t know if Saeran was angry or not. Now it was different.

Everything was going great.

Saeran felt that he had finally managed to establish a bond —in addition to his brother—, no matter how small it was. Although in the background, I knew it wasn’t a small bond. The idea of it began to spin in his head since Yoosung returned after several weeks without visiting him for his exams. He had become an important part of his everyday life, even if he tried to deny it. He had already analyzed the pattern of his visits, and from time to time he could hear his brother talk on the phone with the blonde arranging them.

Unintentionally, he had begun to feel things he had never felt before. He already knew excitement and anxiety, but this was a completely different feeling. The only problem was that he didn’t know how to define it, and that made him moody from time to time.

 

Like every week, Yoosung was once again visiting. He was talking about one of his teachers at the university whom they all esteemed for her advanced age. He said it was like having a grandmother there, since she cared a lot for some of her students. Sometimes she would scold him for being late or half asleep in class, since he knew his vice for some video game. Also, he told him that she was a person with a lot of experience in her field and that he aspired to know as much as her —and even more— someday.

It was in the midst of this conversation that Saeran realized that he had never wondered why Yoosung had chosen that career. He thought that this would be a good time. They were on the subject, after all.

Yoosung couldn’t help but feel nervous when Saeran became interested in his reasons for studying veterinary medicine. He just wasn’t expecting it. He hesitated a little, but finally managed to clear his throat and began to explain.

Saeran was interested to know, indeed he was, but after hearing the name Rika so often in the story — even if he asked for it— he felt a little dejected. Then he remembered what Saeyoung had said about Yoosung's adoration for his cousin. That he saw her as a role model, that she was someone important to him and others. Saeran had already realized this on his own during the many months he had been hearing what he had to say, but he never imagined that Yoosung’s admiration for her was... so great. Besides, it made him uncomfortable to hear about her after all the damage she did to him and his brother.

For the first time, he decided to stop listening to what Yoosung was telling him. He didn’t want to know about Rika... but then, another name caught his attention in the middle of the story.

Yoosung had started talking about V.

“... I used to be very bad with V, really. I rejected him, blamed him for anything bad that happened, even for Rika's issue! I always knew they were hiding something from me, and it turned out to be true... When I heard the truth I felt furious, but it comforted me a little to know that the others didn’t know anything about it either. I didn’t feel so alone... Although the most shocking thing was when they told me that with everything that happened V ended up committing suicide —“Su... Suicide?” Saeran thought as he heard that—. I felt horrible... I judged him a lot without knowing all the details. I never imagined that the weight he carried was so big that it reached that point. I felt like a horrible person, really —he sighed—. The worst thing is that I could only apologize to him when he was already dead...”

When he finished saying this, his voice cracked a little. He lowered his head, trying to conceal his guilty shame, while Saeran continued to stare at him in confusion.

“Did V commit suicide?” He asked once the blond boy calmed down.

“You did not know?! —He exclaimed surprised. Saeran gestured at Yoosung not to be so scandalous, as he knew there was something strange there, and much to his dismay, his brother must be involved. He couldn’t let Saeyoung know before he decided to ask him directly—. Agh... I ruined it all again, right? I'm sure Saeyoung told me not to tell you about V or Rika, because it's a delicate subject for you... God, how stupid! How could I forget something like that?”

Saeran sighed.

"Calm down, it’s okay. I just didn't know that," he said, trying to calm him down.

Yoosung gave him a slight smile, accompanied by a look of gratitude.

“I guess they didn’t want to tell you anything about... You know... Before, you were not you okay? God, I keep saying trash. Just kill me,” he asked in embarrassment, covering his face with both hands. It was for this very reason that the expression of pain of the younger twin went unnoticed for him.

“Kill you...” he whispered to himself.

No, he didn’t want to remember, but now it was almost impossible. The rage was present in his being, but he did his best to keep it under control. He couldn’t afford such a reaction in front of Yoosung, especially since he didn’t know the truth.

He inhaled and exhaled slowly, until he calmed down. This wasn’t the time...

After Yoosung told him that V "had committed suicide", he went on with the main theme, which was the reason for his motivation to study that career. Of course, Rika's name had its appearance there, but less often, since the boy had remembered Saeyoung's warnings.

They stopped talking, and after checking the hour, Yoousung decided that it was better to go home or it would be too late. Besides, the weather was changing and the afternoons were getting colder.

Saeran waited for Yoosung to leave, and as soon as he heard the door close, it was like a switch clicked on his head. He went from being calm to furious in just a couple of seconds, and with this anger he went to his brother's room, who was at his computer doing some errands.

He opened the door and rushed in, pushing his brother from the chair and throwing him to the floor.

“Saeran...?” He asked in a whisper.

“How the fuck can you keep on lying?! You really cannot live without lying to anyone?! —he started yelling at him— You cannot even tell the truth to your best friend?! A good person!! A good one, for fuck’s sake!!

With each scream his voice torn a little more, and thanks to his last words, Saeyoung could understand what his brother meant. Unfortunately, he continued to shout his guilt.

“Did you tell him that V committed suicide?! What kind of shit is that?! Saeyoung, I killed him!!”

“Ah… that,” He murmured, with a dark gaze.

Saeran stepped back and leaned against the wall, catching his breath. His throat ached for screaming. He hadn’t done it for a long time, less for something that bothered him at that level. It was a matter of seconds for his head to start to hurt too.

“That boy approached me without knowing the truth —He began to say—. He has no idea what happened, he doesn’t know what I did, and you... You allowed him to continue to come in spite of it… Aren’t you ashamed? Have you thought about what will happen when he finds out the truth?”

“That's not supposed to happen.”

“It will happen,” he sighed.

Saeyoung looked at him in the eyes, frightened.

“Saeran, don’t even think about it...”

The younger twin giggled nervously at that. He bit his lip, holding back the cry that threatened to burst out.

“Do you think I could do that? I...”

“Saeran…” he murmured.

“I'm terrified, Saeyoung.”

It was one of the few times he accepted to be afraid in front of his brother after their reunion. He hated feeling that way; Weak, and consequently, it made him remember all that his weakness had brought him for so many years.

His brother didn’t want to add anything else, because he knew he could make things worse. Besides, it was unlikely that Saeran would calmly listen to him, much less after learning that the only person he had considered good since his return could be nothing more than a mere fantasy. Because yes, he felt that way. Yoosung had approached him believing that he had been a victim in all this, and he was, but this happened only thanks to his lack of will and bravery. He had killed a man, and not just any man... Yoosung didn’t know that.

With those dark thoughts in his mind, Saeran decided to return to his room in silence. Once there, he closed the door and threw himself face down on his bed, squeezing the pillow tightly.

He wanted to keep yelling, but it wasn’t convenient. His throat was already aching and his head was even worse. He couldn’t help thinking that Yoosung had approached him only because he didn’t know the truth. He was quite sure that if he found out the truth...

“No… No!” He shouted anyway, stifling the noise on the pillow.

He had only one choice left, a very selfish one, and that was to keep Yoosung away while hiding the truth. He was going to hide what had really happened until Yoosung was far enough away from him. This way, it wouldn’t hurt when he left him forever.

It was the only method he could think of for the moment, so with much anguish he promised himself to be more hostile with whom had a radiant smile whenever he came to visit.


	5. The sun?

Days passed, turning into weeks, and Yoosung didn’t understand when everything had become so different. Each visit was colder than the previous one, and Saeran no longer responded as before. It was as if they had gone back to the beginning, where he only stared out the window and ignored his presence, even knowing he was there. Yoosung began to wonder what he could have done wrong to make it all turn that way, but he couldn’t find an answer. Only managed to associate it to that day when he began to talk about Rika and V, when Saeran asked about his career. Had that made him angry? Perhaps Seven was right that it was a tricky subject for him? If that was the case, then he understood that Saeran would get upset, though he didn’t think the change would be so abrupt.

What was happening hurt him a lot, especially since Saeran had become someone very important and special to him. He didn’t have many friends off screen, and for him, Saeran was that and much more. He was grateful that someone with his past had trusted an ordinary person like him. It was different from the friendship he had with Saeyoung. Saeran... made him feel more than that. By his side he felt that he could talk about anything and he would listen, even if he didn’t care about the subject. He noticed it, since he seemed to be an observant and attentive person from the beginning, despite his indifference.

Day after day of visits, he tried to keep the thread of the conversation going, but Saeran’s indifference made him want to see him carefully, waiting for him to turn to look him in the eye, as before... but this didn’t happen.

One day while Yoosung was trying to find a topic of conversation as he struggled with Saeran's rejection, Yoosung began to despair.

What could he do?

“You know... Maybe this doesn’t matter to you, but I don’t have many friends —He began to say—. When I went to school it was different, there I was quite popular, but after entering the university everything changed... I wanted to change my image, and I even found a hobby that is LOLOL... I... I haven’t said this to anyone else, but the truth is that I feel so envious of people like you. Jumin, Zen, Jaehee, Seven, Rika, even V... and you too —His voice cracked a little, causing Saeran to turn to him slyly after weeks of pretending to ignore him. Then he noticed that Yoosung was doing his best to hold back a pout, it seemed that he was about to cry—. I am just an ordinary person, without grace. I don’t have great talents beyond playing all day. If it wasn’t for the university, I would be a total slacker... It hurts a lot to think that you are good for nothing, that you will never reach those you admire no matter how hard you try. And it hurts even more when the one you want to reach insists on steadily getting away from you. I... Ah, I don’t know what I do saying all this, I must be making a fool of myself” He finished saying, covering his face with both hands.

He really felt he was making a fool of himself, but just when he was going to resign himself and run, a presence alerted him.

He removed his hands from his face, and could see that Saeran was only inches away. He gasped, because he didn’t even notice when he got out of bed and crouched in front of him.

What a bad day to sit on the floor and not the usual chair, huh?

His cheeks burned, his heart felt like it was coming out of his chest. Saeran's eyes were fixed on his again, after weeks of rejection.

What was happening?

“Ah...” he tried to articulate.

“You are not an ordinary person.”

“What are you saying...?” he murmured, looking away to the floor.

“In my opinion you are not an ordinary person. A normal person wouldn’t have insisted so much on me.”

“Is that... a compliment?” He asked himself.

Saeran sighed and returned to his place on the bed by the window, watching the sky. He knew that if he stayed much longer near Yoosung something could happen, although he couldn’t define exactly what.

What Yoosung made him feel was an indescribable for him, and after weeks of rejection he couldn’t stand it anymore. Again he hated his weakness and lack of courage, but he knew that sooner or later his punishment for being so pathetic would come, and that comforted him in a very particular way, although he didn’t stop worrying.

Yoosung, for his part, still had his face reddened by what had just happened. He tried to think of something else, but the image of the other boy's eyes so close to him was lingering in his mind. His heart was racing faster and faster, so he thought it would be a good idea to try to talk about something else to forget it or at least to distract himself.

“This… —He began to stutter— Why do you always look at the sky?”

The moment Saeran heard that question, his expression changed to one of nostalgia and some sadness, causing the blond to regret immediately for having let that doubt out of his mind. He thought it was very foolish of him to ask Saeran something like that, since he knew it was something he did insistently. It probably had to do with his painful past and he didn’t know... But to his surprise, Saeran left any negative thoughts aside and replied.

“When I see the sky, I feel free —He starts to explain—. There is no pain. Clouds always change its shapes, so it's also interesting to guess what they look like.”

Yoosung felt relief in his chest after Saeran answered his question, and inadvertently —And in the midst of emotion— he screwed it again.

“Oh, I see... Hehe, Rika used to watch the sun a lot after V died. It must be something similar...”

After realizing that he had begun to talk again about his cousin, he covered his mouth, but Saeran was sympathetic and followed the flow.

Deep down, he missed talking to him. Even if it was about her.

“Maybe… Why did she see the sun?”

Yoosung was puzzled by the sudden question, even more so with a question about his cousin. But since it was something that would not happen any often, he tried to remember everything Rika had told him about it.

“Well, Rika said... She said that V was like the sun.”

Saeran looked at him in confusion.

“V?”

“Yes —he nodded— that’s what she said. I remember that many times while we were talking, she mentioned that V was like the sun. She used to tell me that with him she felt safe, because she knew that in his company she could show her true self without fear. That he would accept her as she was... To her, V was the light of her life, radiant as the sun, bathing her with his warm soul and leading her way. I don’t understand very well what Rika was trying to tell me, but I always interpreted it as that he was a very good person with her... Well, Rika also said that I wouldn’t understand it until I tried it, hehe..."

When Yoosung finished explaining, Saeran was thoughtful about it.

The sun... radiant, warm, a light that guided your path. That made you feel sure to be who you really are, as it would always come to illuminate your life.

Saeran glanced up at the sky once more, then hid his head between his knees, which he held lightly.

Yoosung started to worry when he saw him act like that all of a sudden.

“Hey, do you feel bad? Do you want me to bring you something?”

Saeran turned his head so that only one of his eyes could see Yoosung.

“No, I'm fine. Just ... let's talk about something else.”

“Let’s talk…” Thought Yoosung with some excitement. Okay, they had been talking for a while, but it made him happy to think that everything would be back to normal.

“Okay” He murmured with a smile as he tried to think of some subject that might be of interest for him.

The afternoon passed just like it used to do be a few weeks ago when everything was fine. Sunset was already approaching, so Yoosung decided it was best to leave. He said goodbye as usual and retired in silence with a smile in his face.

After talking about the sun with Yoosung, Saeran couldn’t stop thinking about the subject. He felt suffocated by being in his room, so he got ready and left without his brother seeing him, because it was obvious that he would stop him. According to him, he was not yet able to go to the outside world.

Saeran could live with that, since he never felt the need to leave... but this time was different.

It was starting to get dark and Saeran was just wandering aimlessly down the street. He managed to reach a nearby park, where he looked for the most distant tree and sat by the foot of it. To his luck, it was surrounded by other trees, so it was a perfect hideaway.

The wind began to blow quite strongly, and Saeran supposed that it was due to recent climate changes. However, he didn’t give it more importance and continued there, leaning on the trunk with his eyes closed.

As Saeran tried to calm his mind, Saeyoung became aware of his absence and began to despair. The first thing he thought of was to call the only person with whom he had contact. He knew Yoosung would never take him without warning, but he wanted to make sure he was okay. Although, to his bad luck, the instant of answering the call and hearing the question, Yoosung replied immediately that his brother was not with him. Both began to worry, and then Yoosung offered his help to the older twin, which he accepted delightedly.

What worried Saeyoung the most was the latest weather report, where they had announced heavy rain during the evening.


	6. The Truth.

Saeran was still sitting there, his eyes closed, remembering every word Yoosung had said about what his cousin thought of the sun. It even was somewhat ridiculous, but remembering the explanation he gave about what Rika felt for V and how she related him to the sun, couldn’t help thinking about a thing.

He felt that Yoosung was becoming his sun.

Despite of his insecurities, he considered him someone radiant, warm, someone who decided to guide his way with his light despite the difficulties that arose on the road, especially for his very withdrawn personality. However, there was something that prevented him from accepting his feelings, and that was that he couldn't feel comfortable being himself with Yoosung.

Why? Simple. A lie divided them.

After thinking about it, the vague images of that tragic day began to echo in his mind. His head started to ache, causing him to complain in a low voice. He grabbed his hair and pulled it in a poor attempt to stop his mind, but it was in vain. Fortunately —if it can be called fortune— someone listened him and went to his aid.

“Saeran! Are you okay?!” Yoosung asked worriedly as he came running and crouched beside him.

He couldn’t explain how he succeeded, but at the mere sound of his voice, his mind stopped shouting and he calmed down.

Was Yoosung's voice some kind of medicine for him? If so, it seemed much better than any drug the doctors wanted to give him. Drugs that, of course, he didn’t take, since both he and his brother refused to include them in a possible treatment.

He began to wonder if doctors could consider Yoosung's voice as an alternative treatment. Although the idea left his mind as soon as it arrived, because he felt tremendously embarrassed to think of such a thing. And even more having the medicine itself in front of him.

Saeran looked up as he suppressed the pain that the anguish was still stirring in his chest.

“Why did you leave? Seven is worried... I was too —he confessed, somewhat annoyed—. Don’t leave without warning again, okay?”

“Radiant and warm... I don’t deserve this light.” Saeran repeated himself in thoughts.

“I…”

Yoosung let out a giggle.

“If you want we can go back to your house and watch a movie. I could even stay there and sleep on the couch, what do you say?”

Saeran stared at him, incredulous at the kindness he could see in him. He cursed himself, because he was clear that someone like him was not worthy of receiving such kindness.

Without realizing it, he had made a difficult decision.

He stood up carefully and Yoosung imitated him, understanding the gesture as an “I accept your proposal”, but as soon as he smiled and turned to walk away, Saeran spoke.

“Yoosung.”

The boy froze for a second. It was the first time that Saeran called him by his name when he spoke to him, and Yoosung didn’t quite know how to feel about it. He turned to look at him, and then he noticed that the intense gaze that was always in his eyes had now charged to a completely different energy. His expression was grim.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, doubting if that was a good idea.

Saeran took a deep breath, then looked him in the eyes determined.

“I killed him.”

“… Eh? What are you talking about?” he asked in confusion.

Kill? What was he talking about?

“V.”

“What about V?” he asked again.

“I... —Then Yoosung understood what Saeran was trying to say, and froze. He felt his air abandoning him, he couldn’t think of anything— I killed him”, he continued his confession.

“No... That's impossible. V committed suicide...” He let out a strand of voice as he took a step back.

“Yoosung, I killed him.” He insisted.

“Saeran…” His voice was already breaking, and tears were coming out.

This couldn’t be happening.

“I killed him!!” Saeran shouted at the end.

After this, Yoosung couldn’t stand it anymore and began to run in the same direction he came from. He didn’t know what moved him, but a strange impulse forced Saeran to chase after Yoosung and hold him by his arm. To his bad luck, he somehow slipped out and kept running away from him.

He didn’t want to insist, because he knew that Yoosung was in his right to want to go away and forget anything that had happened between the two of them. After all, it was what just had to happen. Nothing united them... and that hurt terribly.

Saeran would never forget that moment, because that was also the first time he touched him.

Minutes later, it began to rain.

 

 

Saeyoung continued to call Yoosung to find out if he had found his brother, since he had not been able to find him by himself. However, he didn’t answer. When he was about to lose his patience, the apartment door opened, letting in a soaked Saeran.

His brother ran to meet him, worried, and grabbed him by the shoulders forcefully while he scolded him and asked for explanations. He only stopped when he noticed that some of the liquid running down Saeran’s face was not just rain, but tears. Seconds after his discovery, Saeran burst into tears as he hadn’t done in months.

His legs gave in and he fell to the floor, his back against the door.

“Saeran?”

“I... I did ... I did make him cry! I don’t deserve to see the sunlight, I don’t want anything!” He yelled, as his cries grew louder.

“No, don’t say those things, little brother. Please... The sun will always be there for you” he tried to calm him down.

“No... I'm not talking about that sun, Saeyoung...”

His brother looked at him in confusion.

“What?”

In the midst of his tears, Saeran gave him a smile as he had never seen before. A smile with a mixture of sadness and satisfaction.

“I just lost my second sun... I... I told him the truth.”

“What truth?... No, wait, what did you do?! Did you tell Yoosung that truth?!”

“Such a radiant light doesn’t deserve to be seen by someone like me, Saeyoung…” He whispered in sobs.

After saying this, Saeran began to tremble without stopping. His breathing fluttered to the point that even his chest ached, so he knew he was in crisis again. His brother did his best to reassure him, but he couldn’t. It was a long time before he got Saeran to calm down a little, and when he did, he escorted him to his room and left some dry clothes on the bed.

Saeran didn’t feel like it but he got changed, and then, like months ago, he looked back at the sky through his window looking for peace. Much to his regret, he found that there were only dark clouds, due the rain.

Silently, he began to cry again.


	7. The Guilt.

Since that rainy day the weather seemed to not have the courage to change. Afternoons were cold, not to mention mornings or evenings. Saeran used to listen to his brother’s television, since often he would raise the volume to the maximum without realizing, and thanks to this he learned of a couple of important things —and others not so much—. One of those important things was that there was an occasional front, apparently coming from another area and should be away in the coming days, giving place to a warm evening. However, Saeran associated it directly with his state of mind.

He believed that the bad weather was a kind of “karma”, all because a couple of days ago he had been very clear about what he felt when he said that “he didn’t deserve to see the sunlight”. He thought that the cloudy sky was some kind of punishment, and that the sun was hiding from his field of vision.

Saeran had never stopped to think of the sun, and he had never imagined that he would want to feel the rays of light in his face so much. Of course, that would also be a kind of fantasy, since the only reason he longed for something like that was because of who he considered his sun was no longer by his side.

He was sad, sinking into negative thoughts every minute.

After several days feeling the same, Saeran stopped leaving his room. Before, he used to go get ice cream or something else to eat or drink, but now he didn’t even do that. He only went out to go to the bathroom. He was still stuck by his window, waiting for the sky to clear and watch its beautiful blue color. Only that way he would feel free again.

There was a moment when he didn’t even go to the bathroom anymore, and Saeyoung worried a lot. He came to see him in his room and could confirm that his brother was still in the same pose sitting by the window. He looked thinner —because he didn’t even take in consideration the food that Saeyoung got him—, his dark circles had gotten worse, and his eyes were red and somewhat swollen. He supposed that the reason was that he had cried too much in recent days.

Slowly he moved to him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“Saeran, you haven’t left your room in almost two days. Come... I made some food, and there's ice cream too. If you feel so bad you can take a bath or shower first...”

There was no response.

He began to stroke his shoulder gently, trying to get him to react, and then Saeran got up and headed to the bathroom on his own. It was little, but that gave Saeyoung some respite. In addition, he could now use the instance to do something he had in mind several days ago. He went to his room and, already installed on his computer, began typing insistently.

Saeran entered the bathroom, turned on the hot water tap, and withdrew his hand immediately as he felt it burning. Even in his state he did his best to regulate it. He needed to take a shower.

He undressed, got into the shower and, after putting his head under the stream... broke into tears again. He no longer wept of sorrow, now it was only anger. Rage on himself, for being so useless. He grabbed his hair and sat in a corner of the shower, still sobbing.

He began to think about what he thought every day, and that was that probably he was the only one to blame in all this history, since if he hasn’t been so weak and easy to manipulate, probably none of this would have ever happened. It all came down to that he could have been smarter and realize that they were using and even drugging him... He could have trusted more in the love that his brother had for him, and in the love that himself had for his brother too, regardless of the years. If it had not been for Mint Eye... maybe he could have had a normal friendship with Yoosung and the rest of the R.F.A. But at the same time, the idea that he couldn’t imagine a different context to know everyone invaded his mind. Everything would be so different... And even though it hurt, he felt a little grateful.

Thanks to everything that happened, he knew the best of Yoosung.

Of course now it could only be a beautiful memory and nothing more. He didn’t understand how such a good person could want to approach someone who was evil from birth.

As he thought about it, his left hand went to his right arm, where he had his tattoo... and began to scratch it intensely. It was painful and useless, but he believed that punishing himself and the traces of one of the great culprits of his pain would help him feel a little better. His arm began to burn, and as he looked at it, he noticed that it had begun to bleed.

“I deserve it... I deserve this and more...” he said to himself, sobbing.

He looked down at his hands, the same ones which he almost killed his brother, and then his eyes focused on the hand that held the gun. Yes, the gun with which he shot V causing his death.

He clenched his teeth, and with his opposite hand began to tighten his wrist strongly, to the point where both reddened. He didn’t know what to do. Any attempt to pay for what he had done seemed insufficient. He even came to think that what happened with Yoosung was a kind of punishment, too.

Saeyoung knocked on the door, pulling him out of his thoughts, so he decided it was best to hurry up with the shower and get out as soon as possible. He bathed properly, not caring for the wounds on his arm, and left.

As soon as he got out to the hall, his brother saw the blood coming from the deep scratches on his arm. He approached quickly with obvious concern.

“What the hell happened to you?! Answer, Saeran! What did you do?!”

For every question he asked, it was more difficult for him to contain the tears. He felt like a helpless child again, and it bothered him so much.

He didn’t want to answer Saeyoung's questions, and continued quietly to his room, where he dried himself carefully and wrapped his arm with some bandages he kept there. He dressed in a long-sleeved shirt and one of his sports pants, then returned to his usual place. His white hair was dripping over his face as he looked out the window, and he accidentally fell asleep there. Although this didn’t last long since a nightmare woke him within minutes.

He heard something in the living room, so he decided to go to his door to hear it better. He didn’t feel like leaving his room.

It turned out to be his brother talking on the phone. Apparently he argued with someone and assumed it was work, so he turned around to lie down on the bed once again, but...

“… I’m serious, Yoosung.”

Saeran felt his heart stop and he didn’t understand why. His confusion was more when it began to beat so hard that he could almost feel that it was going to come out of his chest. He could even hear the throbbing...

Still fearful of the conversation, he continued to listen carefully. He didn’t care what it was. As long as it was about Yoosung... he cared.

“… No, no —Saeyoung continued—. I already told you the truth…! Don’t you want to believe it? Yoosung, we hid it to protect you, we knew it would hurt you to know what she did... What? No! If we told you everything at once it would have been worse! Don’t you understand? Besides, Saeran... Hey, Yoosung? What's going on? Are you crying?”

Hearing this, Saeran felt a lump in his throat. He felt bad, thinking that even hearing his name made Yoosung suffer.

Did he hate him so much now?

“… You know under what context everything happened. Rika was mentally ill, Saeran was not himself, and well, V... Uhm, Yoosung, why are you crying so much?... How that you want to leave the R.F.A?!” Saeyoung shouted.

“Leave the R.F.A?” Saeran muttered to himself.

He felt more and more guilty about what he had done. Now, Yoosung thought of leaving aside one of the things he loved the most, only for the lies, which although Saeran didn’t tell, he was part of them.

“Where are you? —asked the older twin— I'll go see you right now. No, I will not return your LOLOL account until we talk and fix this... Your secret place? And where is that?... Hello? Yoosung?... Did he hung up?!

While Saeyoung continued to argue alone, Saeran began to process the information.

His secret place… Saeran knew that. He was sure Yoosung had told him about it once, though he only mentioned it vaguely. However, he remembered every word in detail.

He started to hesitate, but in the end something inside told him to do it, so he started looking for a coat and got ready to leave. He didn’t even bother on drying his hair, and sped away with the adrenaline rushing through his veins.

Saeyoung noticed it, but when he was about to run after his brother, he remembered that he was only wearing his underwear... of space rockets. Yoosung had switched off his phone and it was obvious that Saeran wouldn’t answer his calls, what should he do?

At least he had one thing clear, and that was that he had to get dressed before he did anything.


	8. The Second Sun.

Meanwhile, Saeran ran to the nearest bus stop. He had never taken one on his own. He didn’t know how it worked, but he tried anyway. He remembered something else that Yoosung had told him about his address or where he lived, and explained that to the driver. He, with some fear, agreed to take him.

His heart beat fast all the way.

Once he got off the bus he began to analyze his environment, looking for something that resembled what at some point Yoosung mentioned to him.

Where could that place be?

Saeran approached the few passers-by who were on the street to ask for directions, but they walked away, giving him a look of repulsion, as if he were a strange creature. He was already giving up when he heard someone calling him behind his back.

“Where do you want to go, boy?”

It was an old woman’s voice. Saeran turned to look and noticed she was blind. That explained why she came to help him. He cleared his throat and tried to stay calm.

“Ah... I'm looking for a park, a small one. It's supposed to be near building 306, or something like that, but I can’t find it...”

She seemed to understand immediately.

“You must follow the street that is in front of the building and then turn left. It is a small park, but has several trees. You'll find it right away.”

His eyes brightened as he realized he was not that far away.

“... Thank you very much” he said in a friendly tone.

“You're welcome. Be happy...”

Saeran began to walk, and then something prompted him to turn to see the old woman. It was probably the last thing she said, so he felt it right to thank her once again... but she was gone. He didn’t want to think about it too much and continued along the path she had pointed. Finally, in the distance, he saw a park full of trees, just as the old woman had described it. He paused to catch his breath and think of what to say when he saw Yoosung, and then it began to rain. He pulled on his coat’s hood and ran to the park, until he was under the trees. The large size they had was perfect to block the rain.

His gaze went from here to there looking for Yoosung, but he didn’t see him anywhere. Maybe he was gone because of the cold and the rain, or maybe…

“Was I wrong?” He murmured.

He began to get discouraged, although at that point a further disappointment was not a great thing. He was about to leave despite the rain, after all, there was nothing of interest for him in that park.

“Are you from the neighborhood? No one ever comes to this park, they say the area is dangerous at night.”

That voice. That blessed voice.

Saeran contained his emotions and focused on figuring out where the voice that he had longed so much lately had come from but he couldn’t find its location. He felt lucky to wear that hood, because Yoosung couldn’t recognize him because of it. He had no other explanation for Yoosung to speak so naturally.

“No... I'm a little lost” he replied, trying to change his tone so it wouldn’t be so obvious.

“Oh, I understand. You can wait for the rain to pass and then continue along that street near the playground, you would reach the avenue.”

“… Thank you.”

It was so strange to hear his voice again after all that happened, but at the same time, that sense of peace had returned just by hearing him speak for a few seconds. Although this time it was different, he felt too anxious. He wanted to see him.

A loud sound behind him took Saeran by surprise. Apparently, Yoosung was on the tree. It made sense, and as soon as he heard his footsteps approaching to his side he lowered his head and looked to the opposite side.

“The lower branches were getting wet, hehe. I like to climb that tree because nobody can see me…”He confessed with laughter. This was the drop that overflowed the glass. Saeran couldn’t stand it any longer...

“Yoosung.”

And he couldn’t stand it. He turned to look at him and took off his hood.

Yoosung's expression changed to one that showed some pain mixed with his obvious surprise. He turned his gaze to the floor.

“I never expected to see you here... How did you find me? Did your brother track my call or put me a GPS without me noticing?” He joked reluctantly.

“You told me months ago.”

Yoosung looked up, perplexed. He didn’t expect Saeran to remember something so trivial and that even he couldn’t remember saying. It made him feel a bit special. He always knew that Saeran was listening to him, but he never imagined it to be on that level. He felt happy... but he was still hurt.

“I… I must go.”

“But it's raining” he said quickly.

“It doesn’t matter…”

He was deeply hurt by the fact that Yoosung avoided looking directly into his eyes, but he fought the pain and took a deep breath. There was something he had to tell him.

“…Don’t leave the R.F.A”

Yoosung was about to walk away, but that made him stop. He looked into Saeran's eyes —after a long time— and realized that the same intense gaze that frightened him a little, was now charged with a completely different feeling. He could see the pain, and his eyes were red and swollen. He knew why, had seen it in himself countless times.

“Saeran, are you ok?” He asked worriedly and trubled. Saying his name out loud made him feel strange in his chest.

“Don’t leave what you love because of me, please...”

Not even all he had cried during those days was enough, because just as he finished asking Yoosung not to leave the organization the tears began to burst out. Everything he had tried to contain was released at that moment, revealing his fragile side. That side that he didn’t want to show to anyone ever again in his life.

Yoosung was stunned, because he never thought he would see Saeran cry, much less in that situation.

“Since I was born I was tagged as bad —he began to say—. I understand if you want to hate me, I will not judge you for it. I'm the only one you should hate in this story... I can disappear from your life! I will leave you alone. I… I will do as if we had never spoken, I really can do it if you wish, but please… Don’t leave…”

Saeran couldn’t keep talking. His chest began to ache and he burst into tears, just as he had done in the shower a couple of hours ago. He lowered his head, he was deeply confused. Saeran wasn’t sure why he was doing it, he was just certain that he didn’t want to hurt Yoosung. He didn’t want anyone to hurt him... And if he had to take all the blame for it, he was willing to put up with it.

“Saeran…”

Yoosung approached, hesitating, and when he was close enough, Saeran grabbed him roughly and hugged him tightly, still crying. He buried his face in Yoosung's neck, hugging him harder and harder despite the pain in his right arm. He couldn’t think of the pain, he couldn’t stop. He never imagined that he would like so much to make physical contact with another person, at least not after all he had lived. He never thought that the day he needed so much of someone else would come.

Saeran didn’t want to let him go, not again.

“Saeran… —whispered Yoosung— It’s okay” He said, trying to calm him down at he returned the hug.

Yoosung could feel Saeran's shacking breath on his neck, accompanied by tears which began to soak his clothes. A light blush covered his cheeks and his heart began to beat nervously. He had hugged many people in his life for different reasons, but he had never experienced anything like that. For his part, and despite the cold, Saeran could feel directly how warm Yoosung was for the first time. And although he didn’t feel worthy of that moment, he couldn’t stop hugging him and sobbing.

“I can feel the warmth of the sun…”

Saeran didn’t know if he was delirious or something, but for the first time in days, in months, he felt true peace. It was so that his body, noticing that his mind finally calmed down, collapsed by the lack of sleep and food.

“S-Saeran?! —Exclaimed Yoosung, feeling the weight in his arms. Saeran had fainted— Damn! My phone, where I left it... Turn it on, turn it on, turn it on...”

He took Saeran to a bench that was still dry, under a tree. He couldn’t help seeing his face in complete peace as he slept.

He wondered how much Saeran have been through to reach the point of collapsing at a moment like this.

Did the distance between them affect Saeran so much?

The more he thought about it, the more he understood him, because during those days when he decided to get away from the lies of the R.F.A he couldn’t stop thinking about what Saeran would be doing in his absence. Whether he would be fine, or whether he would continue to observe the sky as every day...

Yoosung couldn’t explain it to himself clearly, but if there was something clear it was that during that period he had missed him as never before.

“Don’t get distracted, just call Seven” he reminded himself in thoughts.

____

Hours later, Saeran awoke in his room. He got a little scared and tried to sit down all too sudden, which made him dizzy. Yoosung was sitting by the desk, but after seeing him react that way he hurried to sit next to him to calm him down.

The moment their eyes met his expression changed completely. It wasn’t a dream, Yoosung really was there with him once more. He felt pathetic, since he let him see his weaker side.

A half-awkward silence took over the room, but it was Yoosung who decided to break it —as usual—.

“While you were unconscious Seven came to talk to me, and you're right. I shouldn’t leave the things I love... So I will not leave the R.F.A.”

“… I’m glad to hear that” he replied, trying to hide his happiness.

Yoosung gave a light chuckle.

“I don’t hate you, either. Truth is I can’t hate you, hehe…”

A small spark flared in Saeran's eyes, but he preferred to look away.

“Are you sure of what you're saying? I'm not a good person…”

“I will judge that” replied the blonde, laughing, to which Saeran let out a sigh.

“I don’t deserve it —he paused—. I... I must tell you something important.”

Yoosung opened his eyes in surprise, but remained silent, waiting for Saeran to continue.

“For me... you are like the sun” he said with some sadness.

“The sun?” He asked confused.

Saeran nodded, and took some air to continue explaining.

“The sun is radiant and warm despite everything. It guides your way through the day, and gives his light to the moon to guide you through the night. Yoosung... for me you are like this; Radiant, warm. During all these months you have only enlightened my way, as if you were the sun. But, I don’t deserve that light. I’ll probably never deserve it...”

His expression became even sadder after confessing this, and Yoosung noticed it immediately. It was only a matter of seconds before his body moved on its own and caught Saeran in his arms.

“Stop saying you don’t deserve it, because we all deserve new opportunities. If you think that I am like the sun for you, then let me guide you from now on and together we will make you stop believing that you are a bad person. I'm sure soon everyone will see how fantastic you are, too. Because you’re amazing, you are special, Saeran.”

“Yoosung…” he murmured, as he left the hug. He felt strange, but in a good way. He looked at Yoosung in the eyes and he gave him a smile, which he replied shyly.

It was after this that he finally managed to identify that feeling. Something different from the love he felt for his brother, watching the sky or having some ice cream. Something completely different from a simple friendship. Now that he had finally found the words to express himself, he didn’t know how to say them. There were so many emotions together that Saeran felt they could overflow at any moment.

He knew that if he said the typical words would create an uncomfortable environment, so he preferred to say it in a more... particular way.

“I always looked to the sky for peace, but what makes the sky so clear is the sun. Without the sun, we are nothing…”

“It’s true —he added—. Its light is the same for everyone.”

“I love the sunlight —He said nervously—. I... I want you to be my second sun, Yoosung.”

“His second sun?” Thought Yoosung, ashamed.

He felt the blood rise to his head, making his cheeks crimson red. Yes, it was only moments ago that he offered himself to be like the sun, but the way Saeran told him... He felt a second intention. Actually, it sounded like a declaration of love.

He started laughing nervously, while Saeran looked at him carefully for an answer. He took a little breath, cleared his throat and looked into his eyes somewhat embarrassed.

“I… I want to be your second sun, Saeran.”

At that moment he didn’t know if he was dead or dreaming, since he was sure to be seeing an angel. Saeran smiled at him as he had never seen before, and as he came up to give him another hug, he noticed something very particular.

It was just them two, there, in that special moment that would remain forever in their memories.

They were not predestined, and it was probably for this very reason that they would never find each other on their next life. Nonetheless, in that instant as they hugged each other, something so minimal for everything they both wanted to prove, that… Only with that, they felt complete.

****

**_Like the moon and the sun…_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you for taking the time to read this story. I wrote it with a lot of love towards them, so I hope it has been reflected, even a little... This story was born of a dream I had long ago (yes, the crazy Kyu dreams of Yooran). I did not want to forget it, so I wrote it to enjoy it whenever I wanted. I hope you liked them as much as I did.♡♡♡♡


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